My NOH8 Photos 3501-3750
11/28/2013
- Michael Stewart
- I'm from Kansas City, Mo.
I left the tape off because sometimes we need to be heard.
I do this for my "roommate/partner" that I never got to call my husband. God took him away from me this past April. We were both 37, healthy as could be, and one day his liver decided to quit working. I got to see first hand what "legal" rights we have as LGBT Americans. The Dr.'s and nurses would go to his Aunt or some other family member that lived here in town to get their signatures on paperwork or ask any questions. My HUSBAND, Shane, and I noticed that pretty darn quick. Shane had every legal department in the hospital in his room the next day. I guess , one could say, I was lucky I had 6 weeks left with him before he passed that I could be the sole decision maker in his care. That's ONE thing I can take away from his death. I had so much control in the end that when his father arrived in to town 2 or so days before he passed, the Dr.'s and nurses still had to go through me first for everything. His dad is a really cool guy, so that wasn't an issue at all. When Shane did pass, the Dr. asked to talk to me privately in another room to discuss "final arrangements", and I had to tell the Dr. that his father was coming in too. I may have had complete control, but I'm not a complete jerk.... he is still his father, and I wasn't going to leave him out of the decision making. I knew what Shane wanted, and NOBODY was going to take that from him in the end. I'm so happy I had the time to get all the legal BS done, that should have been mine if I were his legal husband anyway.
My one regret that I will have to live with until my dying day, is that we could have driven 4 hours north in to Iowa and legally have gotten married. He wanted to take that drive sooooo bad, but I STUPIDLY had the mindset, "Well, it's only legal until we cross the state line back in to Missouri. What's the point?"
I denied the love of my life's greatest wish. He wanted to marry me.
If only I could go back in time and not be so stupid, and give him that one request. To MARRY ME !!!!
It's taken a while to get where I am now. Sure, I'm still absolutely broken over losing the love of my life, but yet I'm finding myself WAKING UP and STANDING UP to the discriminatory BS that we have to live with every day and be expected to put up with it. It's time this country remembers that, "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
People at work and in my personal life have said they've been noticing a "more vocal and radical change" in me lately. I come right back and say, "Good, I should have started shouting from the rooftops years ago !"
Ok....I'll get off my soapbox now.
All that I'm really trying to say is that if you still live in a state that denies equality, you need to get legally prepared and protected. I had to learn in one big 6 week long whirlwind exactly where I stood in the grand scheme of things. Shane and I had to rush to get all this legal CRAP out of the way (directives, power of attorneys, etc.) just so I could say "Ok" or "No". That's just two simple words, but so powerful when you need them the most. You never know when you may need to use them, but when it comes to your "partner/roommate's" life, literally in the balance, YOU should...NEED be the one giving the Ok's and No's. Even if you get along great with the family, which in my case, we do (and still do) to this day. You need to prepare and protect your loved one's final wishes. I knew what Shane's final wishes were and what he wanted, and so did most of his family, but what would have happened if his dad would have come in and told the nurses to try to revive him. They would have had to. Shane had a Do Not Resuscitate on file, but I found out after that his father could have come in and made them do it because he was unresponsive and not able to make the decision himself, and they would honor the father's wishes....(Still checking in to the legalities of that, since he had already made the decision having the DNR)
But anywho.....
Take care and prepare !!!
Michael
I left the tape off because sometimes we need to be heard.
I do this for my "roommate/partner" that I never got to call my husband. God took him away from me this past April. We were both 37, healthy as could be, and one day his liver decided to quit working. I got to see first hand what "legal" rights we have as LGBT Americans. The Dr.'s and nurses would go to his Aunt or some other family member that lived here in town to get their signatures on paperwork or ask any questions. My HUSBAND, Shane, and I noticed that pretty darn quick. Shane had every legal department in the hospital in his room the next day. I guess , one could say, I was lucky I had 6 weeks left with him before he passed that I could be the sole decision maker in his care. That's ONE thing I can take away from his death. I had so much control in the end that when his father arrived in to town 2 or so days before he passed, the Dr.'s and nurses still had to go through me first for everything. His dad is a really cool guy, so that wasn't an issue at all. When Shane did pass, the Dr. asked to talk to me privately in another room to discuss "final arrangements", and I had to tell the Dr. that his father was coming in too. I may have had complete control, but I'm not a complete jerk.... he is still his father, and I wasn't going to leave him out of the decision making. I knew what Shane wanted, and NOBODY was going to take that from him in the end. I'm so happy I had the time to get all the legal BS done, that should have been mine if I were his legal husband anyway.
My one regret that I will have to live with until my dying day, is that we could have driven 4 hours north in to Iowa and legally have gotten married. He wanted to take that drive sooooo bad, but I STUPIDLY had the mindset, "Well, it's only legal until we cross the state line back in to Missouri. What's the point?"
I denied the love of my life's greatest wish. He wanted to marry me.
If only I could go back in time and not be so stupid, and give him that one request. To MARRY ME !!!!
It's taken a while to get where I am now. Sure, I'm still absolutely broken over losing the love of my life, but yet I'm finding myself WAKING UP and STANDING UP to the discriminatory BS that we have to live with every day and be expected to put up with it. It's time this country remembers that, "We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
People at work and in my personal life have said they've been noticing a "more vocal and radical change" in me lately. I come right back and say, "Good, I should have started shouting from the rooftops years ago !"
Ok....I'll get off my soapbox now.
All that I'm really trying to say is that if you still live in a state that denies equality, you need to get legally prepared and protected. I had to learn in one big 6 week long whirlwind exactly where I stood in the grand scheme of things. Shane and I had to rush to get all this legal CRAP out of the way (directives, power of attorneys, etc.) just so I could say "Ok" or "No". That's just two simple words, but so powerful when you need them the most. You never know when you may need to use them, but when it comes to your "partner/roommate's" life, literally in the balance, YOU should...NEED be the one giving the Ok's and No's. Even if you get along great with the family, which in my case, we do (and still do) to this day. You need to prepare and protect your loved one's final wishes. I knew what Shane's final wishes were and what he wanted, and so did most of his family, but what would have happened if his dad would have come in and told the nurses to try to revive him. They would have had to. Shane had a Do Not Resuscitate on file, but I found out after that his father could have come in and made them do it because he was unresponsive and not able to make the decision himself, and they would honor the father's wishes....(Still checking in to the legalities of that, since he had already made the decision having the DNR)
But anywho.....
Take care and prepare !!!
Michael